Have him read your rules and simply state that they are your conditions for playing the chastity game. Negotiate where you must, but then make those rules stand.
Sample rules to avoid problems in the game
- Forbid him to ask directly for anything sexual (he could never have been that straight forward about his carnal desires during early stages of courtship anyway). This is to prevent him for constantly asking you for sex, which he will do and it becomes annoying quick. Instead, he’ll have to romance you, flirt with you, pamper you and learn to please his prey, his ultimate desire, slowly wearing her down and getting her panties off. I do want my husband to initiate sex in other ways than asking for it, but the decision is ultimately up to me. When he asks directly for sex, I add 3 days of chastity, in the form of 3 beads to his chastity jar. See the Games section for more info on that.
- I and I alone get to decide on the length of the lock up. If I want it to indefinite, that is my decision.
- I alone decide when he gets to orgasm. If he feels an orgasm coming on, he must ask me to stop immediately.
- I also get to decide how he cums and when and how we have sex.
- Sex does not require unlocking of the penis unless I say so.
- He is not allowed to touch his genitalia in a sexual way or try to circumvent his device for obvious reasons. They are now my property, and mine alone.
- The seed are also considered my exclusive property. All involuntary ejaculations and the reasons will be reported as soon as possible.
- All ejaculations that were not sanctioned by me must have a penalty (unless they were wet dreams). The penalty I set for unauthorized ejaculations was recycling the semen by having him swallow it. If the semen cannot be retrieved, he will have to swallow his next load. This rule is extremely effective from preventing my husband from not having any unwanted orgasms.
- No porn, no magazines, nothing that could give you a glimpse of a naked female body. The only naked body he ever gets to see is mine. Since you can't take his word for this, here's a primer on how to block his porn. If I need him to access adult sites when working on his sex education (in order to find ways to bring me to new highs) I simply lend him my Mac (I'm a Mac, he's a PC and we look it). My Mac, iPhone and iPad are password protected to prevent him from abusing it to find porn on days when he is alone at home.
- For every fight we have, no matter who was right or wrong, he must stay a week in chastity without any release or any game playing. He will remind me of this rule after every fight and I too cannot override this rule. This is to ensure that we both learn to communicate like proper adults. During this period I too am unable to enjoy unlocking him or any access to his penis, so the rule is in part a strong signal to myself that I have to learn to control my temper too.
- If I am displeased with his behavior in public, I just say a number and he immediately understands that is the extra days he'll have to suffer in chastity without any release for that behavior. If he keeps it up, I just keep saying higher numbers.
- He must keep his genitalia shaved at all times. No kink here, it is a requirement for the hygienic wearing of his chastity device.
- I reserve the right to tell 1 or 2 of my close friends about our arrangement and his device. I've only told one friend so far, who also blogs on this site and since has locked her husband in chastity. She did it because his sex drive was so much higher than hers. That way I can make sense of it all when I need to talk to someone close to me and he cannot feel betrayed afterwards. It was also kind of hot to have him show his chastity device to her one evening, when she wanted to understand the concept better. Don't worry, we don't swing. But you want that option if you want to prevent from being alone without friendly female input once in a while. I also had him agree to let me network with other "keyholders" online, but there isn't much risk there to him, because I mainly socialize on forums where no-one knows my real identity.
- He must always sleep naked and locked in his chastity device. I tell him this is because I want access to his body whenever I desire it, which makes him feel sexually desired. The only reason I require this is is because it gets him horny. And a horny man is a happy man. One day, when the kids are out of the house, I might instruct him to always be naked as soon as he enters the house, just to amp it up a bit.
- During sex he must listen to my directions, not that I often feel the need to give directions. I explain to him that this is because he is my sex toy, which gets him horny. But for me it makes it easy to teach him about my body and how to make me orgasm. Before chastity, I was shy about communicating advise on how he could please me better and this was frustrating for both of us, because he really wanted to get me off but never received the needed feedback. Thanks to this rule, I feel unabashed in giving him helpful feedback and he in turn has become a more confident lover.
These are just a few sample rules, I have more, but they wouldn't apply to your situation.
In order to create extra rules, ask yourself the following questions:
What areas in your relationship would you and him like to change?
- Find 10 or less things to increase intimacy and romance (e.g. have him prepare a romantic candlelight dinner sometimes).
- Find 10 or less ways to increase your sensual pleasure (I personally insist he takes initiative to offer me back and foot rubs frequently).
- Find 10 or less ways your family life and domestic life could improve (this is how I finally got him to keep the toilet seat down).
Ask him these same questions and, if he wants you to, use your chastity game to coach him to fulfill his ambitions.
