You want what?

If you are reading this, your significant other probably shared with you a sexual fantasy where he is locked up in chastity (unless you are one of those rare women who got turned on by the idea and convinced their man to play along, in which case, congratulations on convincing him.)

I imagine you were very surprised by his fantasy, and a little bit thrown by it. You probably never heard about male chastity before and perhaps are even a little bit frightened by what it could mean for your relationship.

I've been going out with my boyfriend for almost 6 months and a couple of weeks ago I suggested we each wrote down our top sexual fantasies with the intention that we carry them out for each other. With hindsight perhaps it wasn't a good idea - if you instigate it then you need to be prepared for the unexpected I suppose - and that's what I got !

He would like to be locked in a chastity belt long-term with me teasing him & controlling his orgasms. His other fantasies are basically played out whilst he is locked in his chastity belt - and so I can't even do other ones first while I think about this one.
- anonymous

Let me start out by assuring you that the choice is yours. Sexual activities need to be enjoyed by both partners if you want a sexually healthy relationship and you should never engage in activities that you find abhorrent. If you are totally averse against the idea of male chastity, I propose you find sexual activity checklists online, both fill them out, and then find out where your fantasies have common ground.

In fact, you should probably do this anyway even if you are open to the idea of male chastity.

If you are not averse to the idea, you are probably wondering how or what to do with this fantasy of his.

Why would he want his manhood locked up in a cage and controlled only by you anyway?

I cannot presume to know why your husband has chosen to go down this path, but I do know why I got fascinated by male chastity.

Before I was kept chaste, I frequently masturbated, often twice a day. I knew that if I left my penis alone my orgasms would be much more intense and gratifying, but for some reason I simply couldn’t stop myself. The idea that I would give up control over when I came appealed to me, as it would give me the discipline (by proxy) that could ensure more satisfying orgasms. Now I often go a full month without orgasming, but love the intense feeling when I do. My partner enjoys how my sexual energy is repurposed in the household and towards courting her again. Sometimes she just takes her top off and enjoys me looking at her, reveling in the intense desire with her as the subject in the middle. It boosts her confidence in her beauty and desirability.

My experience in conversations with other men at the workshop let me to conclude the following motivations for their chastity. Your man will love chastity for one or several of the reasons below:

  1. It’s a secret fetish that your man finds highly provocative, arousing and very sexy, to the point that even just an image of a chastity device could cause the beginnings of an erection.
  2. It is not a desire for chastity in itself, but instead links in with the sexual fantasy of surrendering himself to you in erotic submission.
  3. It’s not just concerned with physical sensations, but the mind, body, emotional and inner most self. He will understand chastity as all encompassing desire, fetish or kink, that’s an intellectual, physical, emotional, sexual and spiritual experience.
  4. From his sexual fantasy perspective the allure is that his loving wife or girlfriend holds the key to his penis. His cock becomes yours, it’s freedom is dependent upon you releasing him. You hold the key to this release. You become his Keyholder.
  5. Your lover believes that he’s masturbating far too much and would like your help to control this by making him wear a chastity device to prevent him touching himself.
  6. Orgasm denial is highly arousing to him.
  7. A highly sexy aspect is that your husband will aim to seek his pleasure in pleasing and pleasuring you, thinking of his partner’s needs above his own. Wearing a chastity device help him to sexually achieve this.
  8. He is interested in practicing Tantric Sexuality and wearing a chastity device may help save his sexual energy for his higher, emotional and intellectual self.
  9. He enjoys the state of being horny and wants to prolong the state of being aroused but can only do this when access to his penis is cut off.
  10. He wants to have sex more often than you can give him, and this is a way for him to sexually connect with you more frequently, through orgasm denial that heightens his sexual desire and turns his orgasms into a game between you and him.
You might want to ask your partner why he wants chastity play and if he is not sure, you can have him pick from one of these reasons. In order to decide if you want to play along with his chastity fantasy, you might first want to understand why he has it, so that you can better learn what he expects from it, and if this is alright with you. You might be okay with chastity for one reason but hate it for another reason. For instance, some women use chastity in a master / slave context, to make their partner submit. If your partner enjoys chastity for Tantric reasons, then obviously you are somewhat misaligned and need to communicate. Or you may have a high sex drive and only enjoy penetration but your man wants to be kept in chastity for long times because he enjoys the horny sensation. Again, you will need to talk. One more example: you may enjoy your partners masculinity but you discover he wants chastity in order to submit. Again, you will need to talk.

But I’ll assume that you find out that your motivations are aligned. For instance, he has a higher sex drive than you, and chastity allows him to make periods of no sexual interaction erotically charged. Or you have a high sex drive but want to be taken orally more often, and he enjoys to save up his orgasms to make them more intense.