Early days - we've had [the chastity device] a week - but I actually rather like it ! He's constantly horny and trying to do anything he can for me to get me to unlock it & let him have sex.
I'm sure a lot of men wouldn't entertain it at all but if you get into a discussion & your partner shows any sign of interest in giving it a go, I would say 'go for it' - I'm certainly getting more action & attention & the ironic thing is that he is going to be getting less !
(all quotes are anonymous unless the subject has printed their name)
Now that you know why he enjoys chastity, it is time for you to decide what you could find enjoyable in it and of course what else you could get out of it.
He will focus his sexual energy on you
He used to wake up and masturbate next to me, which I didn't like. Now he wakes up and turns to me, looking for my touch. So much nicer for both of us.
You might not think of it as a problem now because you are so busy, but long term, when the kids leave home and life grows quieter, you will regret having developed this routine.
But if he is denied to masturbate at all through the game and knows that his only chance of orgasm relies on you, all his thoughts will revolve around you from now on. And isn't that something you would prefer?
If he didn't have the cage on he would masturbate behind my back and I would be treated as great as I do now, not saying he would treat me bad he just treats me like I am staring in a movie everyday and I am the center of his attention and fantasies. Give it a go, try with holding an orgasm from your husband for a few weeks and see the changes for yourself.
You will be courted again
I consider myself to have a healthy sex drive but, unsurprisingly, my husband's sex drive has always been higher than mine. In college I was sort of proud of how well I flirted with guys. I thought that skill would come in handy in marriage but I realized that once married, flirting with my husband would quickly get him turned on and he would want to have sex. I like sex, don't get me wrong, but I'm not always in the mood or ready for it. From my perspective, sometimes kissing can just be kissing, but not for my husband. Once he gets turned on it's a beeline drive for the finish line. He wants penetration right away and then finishes disappointingly (or sometimes mercifully) quickly. I soon trained myself to stifle my flirtatious nature with my husband out of fear that it would trigger his libido. The cycle we found ourselves in wasn't healthy and it was killing the romantic aspect of our relationship. Of course, at the time I had no idea of the damage it was doing. I just thought that marriage was going to be one big sacrifice in the romance/sex department.
Do you remember how your husband treated you when you were first dating? Was he more thoughtful? Did he look forward to being with you? Didn’t he try to please and impress you?
If you’ve been married for any length of time you’ll probably find that the man you married is a bit (or a lot) different from the man you’re married to. Lets talk about the reasons for that difference.
When your husband first became interested in you, he was unsure of the extent to which you were interested in him. He wanted you and he wanted you to want him. He looked to signals that you were interested. He thought about every word you said, every facial expression and every subtle inflection of your voice. He paid attention! And when he was not with you he analyzed all these things looking for clues, clues to help him understand how to “win you over” and clues as to how he was faring in his pursuit of you. He thought about you!
You may not have noticed it at the time because you were too busy trying to win him over, looking for clues yourself. Odds are that the more difficult you made it for him to win you over the better he treated you and the harder he tried to please and impress you.
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| It's funny because it is true in part |
But by regulating his orgasms, the chase is back on. He has to conquer you and convince you somehow to let him reach that rare, mind blowing orgasm. Because he is physically much stronger than you and could simply overpower you if he truly desired and because he can masturbate if he doesn’t want to rape you (which most men do not want to do) he needs to give you a certain amount of power to make the chase interesting again. When men play sports with less experienced amateurs on a regular basis, they will often give themselves a handicap (I’ll play basketball with my left hand behind my back so that I can’t use it) in order to make the game more interesting. He doesn’t look at you as weak, but different (in physical abilities) thus he simply acknowledges that he must make some changes to the rules of the game to make it challenging again.
In your case, your man has opted for male chastity. While this may seem bizarre to you, it makes perfect sense from his point of view. He wants to love you, but can of course only love you the way a man loves a woman. By finding a way to break the cycle of masturbation and giving away the power to orgasm to his prey (the symbolic ball in the game) he gets to pursue you again, make you a target.
This way, the romance will come back into your relationship. As long as he knows he can have sex with you any time he wants, there's no reason for him to romance you. That's why the romance diminished or stopped after you got married. By limiting his sexual access to you, you'll make him the romantic lover he was when you were still dating.
Courtship is, more than anything else, an act of adoration. To be courted you must summon the self-confidence to accept his adoration, to become the object of his desires that he is working so hard for. Easier said than done, right? Well, not by much.
The only difficult step, it turns out, is to decide with absolute and unwavering sincerity that you want to be adored by your husband. That is not to say that you will measure your self-esteem by your husband’s attention. Rather, you will not expect anything less from your husband than outright simmering love, just as you did when you were dating and were contemplating marriage.
Understand that you are already worthy of his adoration by the very fact that you are married. No need to be insecure about your allure or value to him. He married you and gave up his bachelor ways just for you - women don’t always understand what an enormous and at times frightening sacrifice this can be to a man. And he did it, because you have everything he needs already. He adores you.
You have, within you, an erotic potential. That potential was not lost with your youth. It is there still waiting to be reawakened. You must reawaken it within yourself.
To become the object of his worship you must learn to comfortably make the most of your erotic potential with your husband.
Sex is an essential part of your marital relationship. This is not to say that it is a substitute for love. On the contrary, it will become for both of you a new and powerful expression of your love for one another. Your love for him remains certain and unconditional as before. It is romance only, which becomes uncertain and conditional. It is important to distinguish between the two.
Don’t worry if you lack confidence in the beginning. Take baby steps to find your way. Confidence will come with positive results. But do not confuse your lack of confidence with your commitment. Be committed and find your way to fulfilling that commitment. Age is not a factor. Weight is not a factor. Beauty is not a factor. These things are not relevant here. Sexual attraction is 90% mental, only 10% physical. Most women are harder on themselves than are their husbands. You don’t need to be a beauty queen to be a sex goddess. Females have the essence to attract, captivate and hold sway over men. It is within you and you just need to release it. If you will release this powerful female essence within you, you will have your man begging to romance you. It’s all about how you act, not how you look. It’s the attitude.
This works for one very simple reason: Your husband needs and wants to romance you. He may not be consciously aware of it but the male psychology fundamentally desires pursuit. As we have already seen, as much as you desire to be courted so your husband desires to court. It’s our nature as human beings. You need only exploit that desire. The nature of this desire is, essentially, sexual. Sex is the goal for him. And, not coincidentally, it is the means as well for you. Sexual desire is what stimulates romantic passion for him.
And thanks to his interest in chastity, you have been given a very powerful card to play to make his courtship interesting again for him. You can bridge the divide between his considerable sexual energy and yours. You can make sex more interesting and more satisfying for him. And you can help him control his frequent masturbation so that he can sublimate his sexual drive into courtship, as he once did when you were first dating.
In short: he asked you to restrict his orgasms because he wants to enjoy the pleasures of dating you again. But in order to that, he needs you to provide him with challenges, as you once did.
It will make you more confident
You, the "key holder" to his orgasms, will be the most beautiful and revered person in his world. And he wants you to be that, otherwise he wouldn’t have asked you for help in controlling his orgasms.After only 2 weeks of denying him orgasms it was like being engaged again. Flowers appeared on our kitchen table. Chores seemed to magically get done around the house. I was treated to spontaneous back massages and foot massages (my favorite). I think my favorite effect was the little smiles and glances we started giving each other. We were meeting each other’s eyes and connecting in a way we hadn't done since we were first married.
Your sex life will improve.
Because he'll have to please you in order to get his release, he'll become a more experimental and attentive lover.a) If you love sex
You will have more orgasms per week than you've ever had before.
You will have control over how and when you have sex with him. if you are really not in the mood, you no longer have to blame it on that headache. And playing a chastity game with your man is much sexier for him then you having a headache. Your "no" will actually be a turn on if you simply say it in a sexy way (e.g. "No honey, I like to see you hungry and frustrated. It turns me on. You are being such a good boy these days I might never let you out")
You will only have to release him from his chastity when you are in the mood. We aren't doctors of course, so take our advise for what it's worth, but so far, not one study has shown any negative health effects from long term orgasm denial.
c) If you like it rough and wild
d) If you love oral
You won't even have to unlock him all that often. You can just ask him to use his oral skills.
e) If you want to find new pleasures
Tell him that for each 3rd orgasm he gives you he gets 1. Soon he will become the best educated man in the world about how to get you off in surprising and enjoyable ways. He will become an expert and play your body like a fine tuned instrument. And of course, once he gets so good he can bring you to orgasm every time, simply change the ratio. Say, 100 orgasms for you in return for 1 for him (wink)? You don’t want him to revert to Mr. Average due to his frequent chances to orgasm, do you?
6 weeks ago I thought his fantasy was a bit odd and nearly didn't do it for him but it has been the best 6 weeks of my adult life - I can't wait for each evening to come and I've never felt this close to a partner in 20 years of relationships. I've bought plenty of outrageous new outfits to keep him on the edge. It is really ironic that, after 20 years of relationships with, for the most part, disappointing sex, I am now getting the sexual fulfillment I have longed for - with my partner locked in a chastity belt and only having had 'normal' penetrative sex once in 6 weeks!
Your relationship will become stronger.
Male chastity encourages open and honest communication about each other's needs. This is an incredible benefit for any couple, and why male chastity can help any couple improve their natural bonding.There are many potential benefits to your partner but the extra attention & closeness (almost adulation) were great or me - not to mention a fairly marked shift in the sexual satisfaction stakes. It does take a while to develop into the role though and my OH was very good - he pretty much left me to find my own way rather than telling me what he wanted. After all, if you're going to properly hand control to your partner, you shouldn't really have any say thereafter. I read this repeatedly when I was researching it but it took me ages to get to grips with that aspect.
“Ever just want to talk, take him shopping with you, take quiet walks together, share special moments, or just hold hands?” a wife asks. “Now you will have the tools to make it happen. How about a good, old-fashioned necking session on the couch like when you were teenagers? Kissing games? The list is limited only by your imagination.”
You will be pampered!
Thanks to the increase in oxytocin he will start enjoying close physical contact much more than before. Women who lock up their men in chastity find that their husbands gladly, even eagerly hold hands, give cuddles and massages, even assist in giving the wife a bath, then toweling her off. Have you ever had your husband trim or shave your pubic hair? I find it a very erotic experience.His orgasms will improve.
As long as he can masturbate regularly, he is taking action that desensitizes his penis. Once he is on a more normal ejaculation schedule, his penis will become more sensitive and his orgasms will become stronger.
You will never have to worry about him cheating on you in his mind.
Your man should be loyal to you no matter what. He shouldn't need a chastity device for that.
So what do I mean by cheating on you in his mind?
The beauty of male chastity is that it makes it impossible for him to act on his involuntary urges, that tickling in his groin that grows to an erection, so you are helping him remain faithful, even in his mind. Trust me, he wants this too and is often embarrassed by his involuntary erections caused by other women. Chastity is one way of him directing his mind back to you in those moments, and it is his preferred way, since he asked you for this very specifically. If you are the only one who can give him orgasmic release, you are the only one he will be fantasizing about. And that in turn will pay off in spades both in bed and in your relationship.
You'll never have to perform oral sex on him again.
Of course, you can if you want to; but with his orgasms severely reduced, he'll be quite happy with any sort of release. And, due to the extended period of denial, that release will feel much stronger than any blow job you have given him in the past.Your friends will compliment you on what a wonderful, attentive husband you have.
They will be so jealous of your strong, committed relationship.You CAN change your man
While you can never change his personality, you did fall in love with your husband in part because of how he courted you. Didn’t he try to win your affection with much more effort than he is showing now? Didn’t he use to share more with you? Didn’t he try to do special things for you just to please you and make you his. Why should all that go away as in most relationships? Now that his orgasms depends on you and how much he pleases you, he will try to win your favor again. And you can gently steer him in the right direction. Did you want him to eat healthier? Make more money? Lose some weight? Give up smoking? Spend more time with the kids? You have the key to unlocking his potential! Give him gentle hints about how you’d love breakfast in public, or a gentleman who opens the door for his wife. Take him shopping and talk in superlative diamond ring you just happened to walk past. Good things will start to happen.He'll become much more helpful around the house. Knowing that the only way he can get the release his body craves so badly is by pleasing you, he'll actually volunteer to do the dishes, clean the bathroom and make the bed every morning. Won't that be nice?
Once he knew that he could only get his sexual gratification from me - and then only when I felt like it - he was all over me like a rash - running me baths, giving me massages and helping with the household chores and the longer I denied him the better he got!
You will fight less
The hardest lesson for all of us to learn is how to be the bigger man. But when his orgasms are in the stake, he will have something else to worry about than his pride when it comes to a fight. You could simply tell him that for every fight he does not manage to avoid, he will get another week in chastity, regardless if the fight was his fault or not. Very soon he will be the most skilled peacemaker of any conflict between the two of you.And if the chastity games themselves lead to fights? Simply tell him you don’t want to play anymore. It should be a game, not so serious it leads to fights over the game.
Sex doesn’t have to be a chore
Not in the mood for sex? Not a problem. Turn it to a great turn on for him by simply relating it to the game. Want to give him a little reward but don’t want the whole production? Unlock him and tell him he must keep his penis hard for you for a full 30 minutes, but no coming. He’ll think it is an exciting sexual game while you enjoy watching your soap (just make sure you have him in the room so he doesn’t cheat and you lose that lovely dopamine filled husband.) Want to play with him a bit but don’t feel like having sex? Stroke his penis for every compliment he can make about you. These days, if I just make the effort to dress a little skimpier after the kids have gone to bed, or just open my night robe to reveal my ordinary lingerie, he'll go weak in the knees. The simple act of taking my blouse and bra off and sitting half naked next to him is deeply appreciated for the sexual reward it is. And his reaction boosts my confidence. Sometimes I play a little game of unlocking him and seeing how long his penis stays erect by watching me (half-naked). I catch up on my soap, he just watches me and ogles me with lustful desire. A real ego boost! You can look tonight, honey but no touching...
Your sex will become better
Want more oral? Just tie his orgasms to how many orgasms he can deliver for you orally, and he’ll educate himself and learn how to please you down there like a champ.Want something different? He’ll research new and exciting ways and will love you to inform you about them beforehand.
Have a kinky desire you never dared to express to him? Lock him up for 2 weeks or longer, get him as horny as you can and he will be up for anything without judging you.
Want a wild caveman in bed who takes initiative? He'll initiate plenty (if you agreed that he can ask for sex during this period). If you are not in the mood, a simple no will suffice. Otherwise, let him conquer you. No need to take off his device. There are plenty of ways an experienced man can get you off.
No more nasty porn for him
When a man watches porn it is to get visual gratification. But it is also demeaning to you. You work hard to build a lovely nest and bare his children, you cannot be expected to have to compete with 18 year old sluts. It desensitizes him to your natural beauty. Eliminate porn for his and your sake. Your body should be the only visual stimulation he gets. His appreciation for your body, which may be significant already, will only increase. And he'll get much more pleasure out of seeing your natural beauty when you want to share it with him. Just install Net Nanny on all his devices (read: how to block porn) and enable parental restrictions on his mobile devices.Added benefit: no more viruses.
No more looking lustfully at other women
My husband is often gone on extended business trips. On these occasions I fit him out with little spikes in his chastity tube. Make sure to test these spikes at home first so they don't hurt him or damage his valuable member. If you can drive him really wild without complaints, he'll be fine. The spikes should be just enough to discourage his erection when he gets turned on by anyone else. His penis will automatically deflate to protect it from perceived danger. I call them my nails away from home.No more erectile dysfunctions
We all suffer the disappointment of your man not being able to get his penis up. This is also hugely embarrassing for him. Chastity would ensure that he always has a rock hard toy when you need it. Nothing like having not come a while to get the juices flowing (I think a lot of men with erectile dysfunction would be well served by masturbating less frequently).Make negotiations fun
Negotiations become a playful sexual game:Honey, I don't want you to eat that food burger. It will make you fat. Don't you love me? On a different topic, I was thinking about extending your chastity. What? Not that hungry after all? Okay then. Now, about that chastity extension.
In Conclusion
While chastity is no magic pill for a troubled marriage, it can answer a lot of challenges in a good marriage. By relating the outcome you want to the chastity game, you will have a happy and satisfied husband who gets to play a sex game 24/7 while you get your desired outcomes (e.g. being courted, help in the household, more or less sex, etc.).
